Ava Grace on the OR board

Tomorrow will be Miss Ava Grace's next trip to the operating room. This is her third surgery in the last month, and I'd like to say last, however, that is not exactly realistic having a medically complex child on Grace's level. Nikko and I often joke that Miss thing is using up her lifetime supply of drama and parental stress now, so teenage years better be a breeze! 

Tomorrow's trip to the OR will include a gastric feeding tube as well as a tracheostomy. ENT and general surgery will work together to make sure she has a stable airway as well as feeding site. 

I am anxious.  The only answer best way to put it. Having my 4 month old under general anesthesia, yet again,  freaks me out. Having an artificial Airway created for her also freaks me out. However there is an even bigger part of me that is super excited for her. Gracie will no longer have to struggle to breathe. For the first time in her life she will have a stable place to receive oxygen. And while we have thought this before, this is an actual road to home.

There are so many things that are on my mind when it comes to the next steps in her life, and ours as well.

I think about scarring for her having a hole in her neck and belly. As she grows will her scars be minimal? Will they be something that she is embarrassed about or something that she carries around like a badge of honor?

 The last thing that I would want is for my daughter to see her scars as anything but powerful. However, we all know how cruel children can be. Growing up Italian, and therefore extremely hairy, I was called a werewolf by classmates in grade school. Obviously this led to a healthy relationship with a razor for me 🙄 🤣. I just don't want her life to be harder than it has to be, or than it already is.

I am also feeling apprehensive about what life will mean post op.

We have a family trip to the beach planned for August right now and trick babies can't be in the sand. Do we go? Do we not? A vacation sounds incredible,  but will we be wanting or even able to leave the house (medical equipment and all)?

Probably my biggest reservation at this point in the process is the fact that we will have nursing services within our house for 16+ hours a day. 

We have waited so incredibly long to be a family of three and now we will very rarely be just us. The national nursing shortage is also a factor that is on my heart. Will we be able to secure nursing? Will we end up with a nurse that respect our home and our family? Will we end up with a " Karen "?

The only thing that really matters is that at the end of this, Gracie is healthy, happy and safe. It is the one thing I pray for most, but you know I wouldn't be being real if I didn't share the 90 other things on my mind too 🤷‍♀️.

So tonight and tomorrow,  say some extra prayers for our girl,  her surgeons, nurses and us. Please pray for a smooth day with no complications and healing for little miss Gracie. 

We can't wait to get our girl on the road to home!